Memorable Quotes of Maya Angelou

Yesterday I posted my Tribute to Maya Angelou.  If you have never read her before, here is your chance.  I picked these  25 quotes from the Latin Times, to celebrate her life and lasting legacy:

1. “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” -- Maya Angelou
2. “My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.” -- Maya Angelou
3. “My mother said I must always be intolerant of ignorance but understanding of illiteracy. That some people, unable to go to school, were more educated and more intelligent than college professors.” -- Maya Angelou
4. “While I know myself as a creation of God, I am also obligated to realize and remember that everyone else and everything else are also God's creation.” -- Maya Angelou
5. “Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.” -- Maya Angelou
6. “Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.” -- Maya Angelou
7. “Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can't practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage.” -- Maya Angelou
8. “Prejudice is a burden that confuses the past, threatens the future and renders the present inaccessible.” -- Maya Angelou
9. “It is time for parents to teach young people early on that in diversity there is beauty and there is strength.” -- Maya Angelou
10. “You can't forgive without loving. And I don't mean sentimentality. I don't mean mush. I mean having enough courage to stand up and say, 'I forgive. I'm finished with it.'” -- Maya Angelou
11. “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” -- Maya Angelou
12. “Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with deeper meaning.” -- Maya Angelou
13. “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” -- Maya Angelou
14. “All great achievements require time.” -- Maya Angelou
15. “I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back.” -- Maya Angelou
16. “We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated.” -- Maya Angelou
17. “Any book that helps a child to form a habit of reading, to make reading one of his deep and continuing needs, is good for him.” -- Maya Angelou
18. “Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean.” -- Maya Angelou
19. “I'm grateful to intelligent people. That doesn't mean educated. That doesn't mean intellectual. I mean really intelligent. What black old people used to call 'mother wit' means intelligence that you had in your mother's womb. That's what you rely on. You know what's right to do.” -- Maya Angelou
20. “You are the sum total of everything you've ever seen, heard, eaten, smelled, been told, forgot - it's all there. Everything influences each of us, and because of that I try to make sure that my experiences are positive.” -- Maya Angelou
21. “One isn't necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can't be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest.” -- Maya Angelou
22. “A wise woman wishes to be no one's enemy; a wise woman refuses to be any one's victim.” -- Maya Angelou
23. “If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain.” -- Maya Angelou
24. “I'm convinced of this: Good done anywhere is good done everywhere. For a change, start by speaking to people rather than walking by them like they're stones that don't matter. As long as you're breathing, it's never too late to do some good.” -- Maya Angelou
25. “What is a fear of living? It's being preeminently afraid of dying. It is not doing what you came here to do, out of timidity and spinelessness. The antidote is to take full responsibility for yourself - for the time you take up and the space you occupy. If you don't know what you're here to do, then just do some good.” -- Maya Angelou

Doris Lessing

Doris Lessing  died peacefully today, in her home in London. She was 94. A versatile writer with a brilliant mind, her books covered a wide range.  In her youth, she was a fiery socialist and her early writings reflected that. Later she turned to spiritualism. No matter what the theme, her books always probe the interiors of human thoughts and feelings.

Nobel Prize at 87

Young Doris Lessing

She was a prolific writer and her fiction has multiple dimensions... definitely not light reading. As I posted in May 2013,  The Grass is Singing is one of her books that made a strong impression on me.

Alice Munro, Nobel Laureate

After many years, the Nobel prize for literature has been awarded to a writer in English. Alice Munro 82, has been writing short stories all her life - 14 published collections beginning with  Dance of the Happy Shades when she was 37. Her latest collection Dear Life came out in 2012 . She is considered a master of the contemporary short story - a Canadian Chekhov. Alice Munro is the 13th woman in the history of Nobel laureates for literature.

Her apparently simple literary style displays subtle wit and astute insights into human relationships. I like this quote from Alice Munro's book Too Much Happpiness: “Always remember that when a man goes out of the room, he leaves everything in it behind... When a woman goes out she carries everything that happened in the room along with her.”

Age is a Number

Four years ago, I wrote a post on Growing up, Growing Old. As I re-read it now, I'm in the mood to post some more on the same lines...

John F. Kennedy once said in a speech in 1963 that change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future. True enough, but not original. Heraclitus the philosopher beat him to it when he wrote “Change is the only constant in life.” 2500 years ago, in Ephesus! In Future Shock,  one of my favourite books about the changing world, Alvin Toffler writes about change and what it does to people, to society; and how they try to adapt. Expectedly, when we are exposed to changes at an accelerating pace, stress and failure to cope become major problems. Toffler discussed these issues in 1970. Today, that future shock is already here!

While I age and my system slows down, the changes in the world around me are accelerating at a crazy pace. Double whammy!

Random Recall

I wonder how many remember these!

Home milk delivery in glass bottles with tinfoil tops 


78 RPM records

Adding Machines

A Time When...

Decisions were made by going 'Eeny-meeny-miney-moe' or 'Tick Tack Toe'

'Race issue' meant arguing about who ran the fastest.

The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was 'chickenpox'   

Having a Weapon in school meant a slingshot.

Cardboard stuck in the spokes transformed a bicycle into a motorbike.

The Painted House

Book Review

Title: The Painted House
Author: John Grisham

A novel by John Grisham! I expected suspense, drama and legal thrills. The Painted House offers none of these. So what does the book give us? The story of the Chandler family living in their unpainted house, as they struggle to make a better life for themselves. Grisham describes, in his brilliant style, rural America in the 'fifties - a realistic portrayal. Through the eyes of  seven-year-old Luke Chandler, we experience the plight of small cotton farmers and the grinding poverty of sharecroppers.

There are brutal murders involving hired cotton-pickers from the hills and migrant labour from Mexico. The Korean war touches the plot on the periphery. Floods, rain, elopement and childbirth are among the events that affect the community and shape their destinies, as young Luke learns the harsh realities of life in the South. By the way, the house does get painted in the end.

When I turned the last page and put down the book, I felt that I had a vivid picture of all that happened in the Chandler household. Moreover, the book showed me a slice of rural America hitherto unfamiliar to me. But I was glad to be where I am  - and not on a bleak cotton farm in Arkansas! 

The Grass is Singing

Doris Lessing, Nobel Laureate

The Author

Doris Lessing who is in her nineties, has lived an unconventional life. Born in Persia of British parents, she grew up in Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe). Having left school and home at 15, she worked and self-tutored herself. Politics and sociology caught her interest. She began writing. For many years she was an ardent communist. Because of her strong and vocal anti-nuke and anti-apartheid views she was banned from South Africa and Rhodesia. Two failed marriages and three children later, she fled to London and settled there. Here, in 1950, she published her first novel The Grass is Singing.

The Golden Notebook came out in 1962. While many consider it a feminist classic, the author herself decries the label. The structure of the novel is difficult and the plot covers mental breakdown, socialism and feminism in post-war England. I have read it more than once, without fully digesting its complexity  If one must, I would call the theme primarily psychological. 

In the sixties, dissatisfied with Marxism, Lessing turned to Sufism. Her books began to dwell more on spiritualism and ‘inner space”. She wrote science fiction too. The Memoirs of a Survivor (1974) belongs to this period. The plot begins with the disintegration of society and depicts external anarchy combined with a kind of inner warp in time and space. It is a disturbing work of futuristic fiction.

In 2007 Doris Lessing was awarded the Nobel prize for Literature, one of 11 women so honored in 106 years. It was the latest in a series of prestigious literary awards. The reaction of the 87-year-old writer when she heard of it: “Oh Christ!”.

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Book Review

Title: The Grass is Singing

Author: Doris Lessing

...

Work in progress

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The Delhi Gang Rape, December 2012

This barbaric act perpetrated in the heart of our capital in December 2012, has horrified the country. One hopes and prays that the widespread anger and disgust will lead to significant changes in the Indian social and legal system.

Truly, the hands of an artist can do wonderful things to express inner feelings. Watch this video clip. Need I say more?

Christmas 2012

I missed posting during the Christmas Season that's just gone by. Travelling - and its aftermath - kept me away from my blog. Although we're well past the traditional Epiphany Day, I'm sharing this short clip about a simple piano lesson and a beautiful message. As I post this, I'm thinking of my granddaughter Zoya who will soon learn to play the first notes on her new violin.



When the year 2013 is over, may you have added a lot to your store of happy memories...

Autism

The birth of a baby is a joyous event. Three months ago, my daughter gave birth. Just a few days ago, my daughter-in-law did the same. Now I have two new, healthy, angelic grandchildren. Watching, admiring and nurturing the little ones is a joy that has no comparison.

Autism
As a baby grows, each day brings new signs of growth and development. But if the child has autism, within the first two years parents notice unusual behaviour that tells them that something is wrong.

Autism or ASD is a pervasive neural developmental disorder. It is diagnosed by certain characteristic symptoms such as impairments in social interaction, communication and repetitive behavior. It is shattering for the parents when they are told that the causes are unclear and there is no 'cure'. It is the beginning of a frustrating and stressful journey for the child and the family. More often than not, as the condition deteriorates, the road spirals downwards.

I have only an outsider's view of what it means. Harshita Mahajan, the mother of an autistic child, gives us a glimpse into her world. Every day she learns something new about herself and her autistic son.

A Mother's Words

I am the mother of 14-year-old Sahil, a boy on the autism spectrum. I have been reading, living and breathing autism for the last 12-and-a-half years. Being faced with autism 24/7 brings out the best and worst in me. We have had highs and lows and many, many plateaus. I have learned slowly who my son is… and learned to appreciate his character, intellect and love for me.

I have learned to count my blessings: The fact that despite being severely impaired in many aspects of his life, his cognition is relatively intact; in spite of the physiological challenges and many invisible medical issues my son grapples with, he has a wonderful positivity and even more amazing implicit trust and faith that I will finally make things better for him; the fact that my son has learned to use the written medium to communicate his deepest feelings and thoughts; that from somewhere, I am usually able to dig very deep within myself and find the strength to continue to NOT accept his impairments as carved in stone and look for solutions with the same intensity as I did 12-and-a-half years ago.

But sometimes this sanctum Sahil and I exist in, is violated. Yesterday, we were going on a family visit to the aquarium. He had worn his shoes and jacket and was waiting impatiently for me at the door of our apartment. I was locking up and then remembered that I had forgotten my camera inside. I re-entered my apartment to retrieve it and in the meantime Sahil made off to the lift. By the time I reached the lift lobby, he had already gotten into a lift and disappeared. This has happened before, and normally he always comes straight back to the sixth floor where we live.

I pressed the lift button, waited patiently for a lift door to open on our floor. A lift arrived and the door opened…the lift was empty. I let the door close and pressed the lift button again to call the second lift…convinced he would be in it. The lift door opened and my neighbour emerged. He said, “Hi, your son is in the lobby, taking down the Christmas tree.”

All you need to destroy a balloon is a pinprick… this was my pinprick.

When I reached the lobby, sure enough Sahil had denuded the apartment Christmas tree of all the ribbons decorating it. I grabbed the ribbons, mortified and placed them on the table. I forgot about all the intelligent things he had ever typed, the fact that his school principal thought that one day he might go to college…

All I can think is what a friend of mine had said to me once… that autism is a zero sum game… you are either functional or you aren’t. Cognition doesn’t make the cut alone… it’s only a small part of the puzzle… a contributor to functionality… perhaps important but there are so many other important skills that make human beings functional enough to live in a society… social understanding… impulse control… emotional balance… and many, many other prerequisites.

And why did he pull the ribbons off the tree instead of coming back to the sixth floor? Perhaps because he is obsessed with stringy objects and because of his irritation at being made to wait, and the fact that he knew he was unsupervised, he succumbed to the urge to get at the ribbons.

I had argued with my friend that in terms of her binary analogy that autism was a journey where we moved from the zero to the one. But finally you have to decide whether you are at zero or at one.

An Arab Princess

Book Review

Title: Princess
Author: Jean Sasson

This book is supposedly a true life story told to the author in secret, by a princess of the royal house of Saud. Before drawing your conclusions,  be warned that the author has been accused of sensationalism. Check out another Review as well. What follows below is my own commentary after reading the book.

The backdrop is an oil-rich country where forced marriages, sex slavery and honour killings are normal. The theme is the subjugation of women - sanctioned by society, law and religious bigotry. Not even women of wealthy and royal families are exempt in this uncompromisingly stern, patriarchal country. The Princess states “And so it comes to be that women in my land are ignored by their fathers, scorned by their brothers and abused by their husbands.”

Princess Sultana describes how she grew up in luxurious palaces in Jeddah and Riyadh, the youngest of ten daughters and a lone brother Ali, the pampered heir to their rich and autocratic father. Not only does the princess see and experience the extraordinary bias against women, she realizes very early the futility of fighting back. . Witness the harsh punishment that five-year-old Sultana receives for eating an apple that Ali wanted. Neither her mother nor her older sisters and aunts are ever permitted to question male authority. Maids from the Philippines and other third-world countries fare much worse. The book has so many graphic instances of the sufferings inflicted on women that one wonders whether the author is playing too hard on the readers emotions.

As she grows up, the rebellious Sultana struggles to break her invisible shackles. There are rare, sweet instances of minor triumphs. The princess writes “Those who are free cannot fathom the value of small victories for those who live on a tether.”

There are lighter moments too, when the princesses play pranks over the phone or dress up in the latest Parisian fashions under their drab black abayas and veils. The scene is hilarious when the ladies from her prospective husband’s family come to inspect the princess. About halfway through the book, comes the opulent fairy-tale wedding of Princess Sultana and her royal cousin Kareem.

In the second half of the book, the princess describes her life as the wife of a fabulously wealthy Saudi prince who dotes on her. She has children and mellows, seemingly content to live the indolent life of luxurious domesticity. Till Prince Kareem suddenly announces that he has chosen a second wife. Although the practice of taking three or four wives is commonplace in her country, for Sultana “never, never had such a consideration entered the realm of possibility”. Her fiery nature demands an immediate divorce. Kareem counters that she will have to leave without her children. How the impasse is broken and Princess Sultana boldly achieves a hard-won victory comprises the denouement.

The story ends with the Iraq war, the presence of American troops in the country and the failed attempt of Saudi women to drive cars. In Saudi Arabia, social change will take a long time.

Bottomline
Read this book to know what it means to be a woman in a rigidly conservative Arab society. Unabashedly one-sided, it reveals horrifying glimpses into the degradation and brutalization of women. Narrated in the first person by Sultana, a Saudi princess, the story revolves round her life and struggles to overcome oppressive societal norms which prevail in Saudi Arabia.

End of a Journey

The plane landed in Bangalore, at 1.15 am, bringing my holiday in the US to an end. As the taxi sped along the quiet roads, familiar landmarks and smells reminded me that I was home. A warm shower, a refreshing bottle of water and I was ready for bed. The rest of the day passed in a jet-lagged haze. In the night I slept fitfully,  dreaming that I heard amaya's cries and her favourite songs on the boom box. I watched Zoya running towards her classroom at school.  Memories of the last 10 weeks are beginning to settle down!

That was yesterday. This morning I woke up at 4 am. By 6.30 I was on my morning walk, which ended, as usual, at the little chapel of the Cloistered Carmelite nuns. I'm back to my normal daily routine!

Irish Coffee Spill

Erik Johansson, a professional photographer based in Sweden, has a marvellous way with pictures. His mastery of photography combines with his retouching wizardry to produce what he calls "illusions" - visuals that are whimsical, funny, creative and entertaining.

I call this one 

"Irish Coffee Spill"

Bullying in School

School is supposed to be filled with learning, fun and games. Bullying can  ruin it, leaving  painful emotional scars and memories of bitter experiences of one's  school days.

Why it Happens
Parent-Teacher Collaboration
Tips to Handle Bullying

October is Anti-bullying Awareness Month. Watch this clip where kids see a bullying episode and talk about it. This was in Australia. But it happens everywhere.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Title:The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

Author: Stieg Larsson

Book Review

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson, a Swedish journalist, is the current novel chosen by iBrowse, a  Book Club that I have recently joined. "A rip-roaring serial killer adventure"  - wrote a reviewer. A combination of sex, violence and crime?  Not my favourite kind of fiction,  I thought, as I picked up the book without much enthusiasm.

The blurb said that  it is an international bestseller, the first of Larsson's Millennium Trilogy with sales exceeding 50 million copies in 46 countries, A Million Kindle Books.  It was also made into a hit film. Larsson died suddenly, before any of his three  novels could be  published. My interest was kindled (pardon the pun). After the first few chapters, I was drawn into the net.

Storyline

Henrik Vanger, the head of a well-established Swedish corporation, hires Mikael Blomkvist, a journalist, to look into the mysterious disappearance of his great-niece Harriet Vanger who has been missing - or dead - for forty years.  Blomkvist is aided in his investigations by Elsbeth Salander, an expert young security specialist and hacker.

One follows Blomkvist as he goes into the complicated history of the large Vanger clan, looking for clues to the sudden disappearance of Harriet. He discovers that the Vanger family has a murky  past, with many skeletons in  cupboard. But there's no trace of Harriet.

The plot develops a new dimension with the entrance of  Elsbeth Salander. She is by turns victim, sleuth and avenger. The course of their joint investigations cranks up the tension, as a good crime thriller should.  What they find behind the respectable front of the Vanger family  is a saga of  extreme psychotic behaviour - sexual abuse, violence, deception and murder.

My Comments

The book is peppered with gruesome rapes, violence, dysfunctional families, ruthless financiers, spineless journalists and large-scale corporate fraud. Along the way, one gets an insider's unvarnished view of Swedish society.

Some of the references to Swedish politics and history had me groping in the dark; but I have to admit that my ignorance of the topics is the likely reason. I felt that the lengthy descriptions of the failed police investigations into Harriet's disappearance quite tedious and pointless. The depictions of sexual abuse were too graphic and revolting. On a lighter note, I had a problem pronouncing unfamiliar European names.

I think that Larsson modelled Mikael Blomkvist on himself, a journalist with a social conscience. A quote from Chapter 3 underscores his position: "His contempt for his fellow financial journalists was based on something that was as plain as morality. The equation was simple. A bank director who blows millions on foolhardy speculations should not keep his job. A managing director who plays shell company games should do time. A slum landlord who forces young people to pay through the nose and under the table for a one-room apartment with shared toilet should be hung out to dry."

I like what Robert Dessaix says about Larsson in The Sydney Morning Herald : "His favourite targets are violence against women, the incompetence and cowardice of investigative journalists, the moral bankruptcy of big capital and the virulent strain of Nazism still festering away ..." in Sweden. 

The Wennerstrom story is skillfully interwoven with the main thread of the novel, adding depth and interest. Salander's role in his ultimate downfall is superb.  

Larsson's portrayal of Elsbeth Salander, the girl with the dragon tattoo, is intriguing. Her physical appearance as a pale,  4'11" girl wearing tattoos and funky clothes provides a fascinating contrast to her  enigmatic personality - brilliant, amoral, asocial, fearless, individualistic and vindictive. She goes about alternately like a zombie and an avenging angel with a flaming sword. However, her weapons are modern - a motorbike, a laptop and electronic gizmos.  One gets occasional glimpses of her soft and vulnerable side when she visits her sick mother and later at her funeral.  Salander is not sweet and lovable, but she is absolutely unforgettable. Among the many reviews here, I go with this one: "The intensity of her personality will burn in your memory well after reading  the book. "

Bottomline

A gripping story. Brilliant writing. An engrossing read.

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The Praying Hands

Today my brother forwarded me a story about the famous brush drawing known as "The Praying Hands". Nobody has been able to identify the source or authenticate this  story. It is, nevertheless, moving.

The artist, Albrecht Dürer, was one of  the eighteen children of an immigrant Hungarian goldsmith. He grew up in poverty, starting life as an apprentice in his father's shop in Nurenberg, Germany. Only two other siblings of the artist survived to adulthood.

Read the story here along with a biography of the artist who made this sketch in 1508.

What You Learn in School

We send our children to school around the age of three. We fervently hope that they will get a good education. What is a good education? Schools  primarily  focus on academic excellence in the classroom. In the initial years children are taught the 3 R's. Physical development on the playground and cultural activities are optional add-ons. Some schools throw in an occasional event centered round nature and the environment. But social and emotional learning (SEL) is hardly ever mentioned.

Experts in child development emphasize that pre-school sets the tone for the child’s perception of social interactions. This is often a child’s first experience in a structured social environment among strangers. The pattern of behaviour that a child learns here can persist throughout high school, college and later, in the work place. The impact of these initial experiences on a child's personality cannot be underestimated. If so, shouldn't SEL also be in the school curriculum?


Social and Emotional Skills
In the 'good old days' a household  was large and stable. Two or three generations of the extended family and many siblings lived under the same roof. Relatives, neighbours and friends joined in the regular social and religious events. In this informal school a child automatically acquired social skills.  Children  raised in this environment also learnt emotional skills without the stress of coping with strange or unfamiliar patterns of behaviour.

Nowadays the norm is a nuclear family. Both parents may have careers or there may be a single parent. Daycare centers too may be part of the set up. Perhaps we need a school for social and emotional skills. Or a system that incorporates them in the existing school curriculum. This is not a new concept. Several years ago, educational experts in the US  identified a set of non-academic skills that are essential for a child. SEL was introduced  so that schoolchildren learn to handle their emotions, deal with bullying and conflicts, develop concern for others and make ethical decisions.

The goal of SEL is to enable a child to form positive relationships both inside and outside of the classroom. The most effective method is through the four E’s of learning  – Example, Education, Experience and Encouragement.  A recent report  discusses whether SEL programs have worked in the school environment.

Whatever the schools may or may not do, the parental role is indispensable. See my post on the tremendous influence that you have on your child's educational prospects.

Bullying is a serious problem among children of all ages. It can happen to your child too.  Click here to know more.

My Name is Gauhar Jaan

Title:My Name is Gauhar Jaan

Author: Vikram Sampath

Book Review

This book is neither a novel nor a straightforward biography. Think of it as a  well-researched documentary of Indian classical music at the turn of the 20th century, wrapped around the  life of Gauhar Jaan. Of Indian and Armenian parentage, she was a flamboyant 'nautch girl' and a  brilliant exponent of Hindustani music and poetry. The first woman to cut a record of Indian classical music in 1902, she went on to sing for several hundred more recordings. 

Sampath gives  fascinating  insights into the lifestyle of the tawaifs of India.  The book brings to life the brilliant women vocalists who through their performances nurtured and popularised  Hindustani music. Their art and the tawaif culture which was already on the decline during Gauhar Jaan's life, has vanished forever.  

Bedecked in finest silk and exotic ornaments, Gauhar Jaan will never ride in a grand four-horse carriage past the British Governor in Calcutta nor will she sing  late into the night, enthralling an appreciative audience with the latest Thumri, Dadra or Ghazal. Through this book the author, himself a votary of Indian classical music, brings alive this bygone era

Bottomline
The book is well-researched. The narrative style is excellent, though heavy going in parts. Read it if you are interested in Indian classical music, history or Hindi/Urdu poetry. 

Babes & A Bike

The three beauties in my son's life: Amaya, Shalaka and a Harley-Davidson.
The pictures were taken on a bright summer's day somewhere in the US of A.
If you are not a member, Facebook may not let you see these pictures.
Leave a comment below and we'll see what we can do.

Your Child's Education

If you are a parent, I bet you have spent considerable time on your child's future - thinking, planning, working, dreaming, worrying, hoping, praying. Has it helped? To what extent? If you have wondered, as I have, then read on.

The question is easy: How can a parent ensure that the child realises its full potential while growing into an adult? The answer varies, depending on who is giving it and why. Which raises more difficult questions.

Which School?
Imagine that you are a parent who wants to choose the *best* possible school for your child. One school (motivated by commercial considerations) suggests that the more expensive the fee structure, the better the education. Another school (elitist) says that its exclusive brand (old school tie) and individual attention (low teacher:student ratio) is what counts. A third one waves the social class flag (allegiance to community/religion). A fourth school (academic performance) flaunts the high scores and ranks of its past students in competitive exams. Let us assume that all these schools are willing to admit your child. On what basis will you choose?

Learning
Having admitted the child to school, a parent has to help him to study  and equally important, to develop study skills. Parents look for private tuition and coaching classes, driven by peer pressure and the desire to gain competitive advantage. Is this good for a child's development and success in life? Have you ever wondered about those who crammed hard and scored the top ranks in the school Board examinations? Ten years later, I am not sure that they all turned out tops in terms of  success or happiness. This raises the question whether success and happiness correlated. Does one guarantee the other?

We know that there is more to learn in school than the three R's. The current trend is to send children to various classes - dancing, music, dramatics, elocution, painting, sports and martial arts. The more, the merrier. How much do extra-curricular activities contribute to a child's education? It is better than sitting in front of the TV, say the busy parents.

Then we have the huge under-explored area of SEL. A child needs to learn social and emotional skills in order to cope with the real world out there.  Read about it here.

Parents' Role
Some experts think that the biggest factor which determines a child's academic performance is genetic. In plain-speak it means that the genes of the two parents have, more or less, set the level of  the child's future academic performance. So parents, before you reproduce make sure that you are intelligent and well-educated; then sit back and wait for your child to become as great as you are ... just kidding :)

We shall not jump to the (fatal) conclusion that diligent  training and good parenting are not important. The latter is, imho, absolutely vital. A child learns best through the Four E's.

Success and Happiness
Read sociologist  Christine Carter  for thought-provoking  insights on parenting for academic success. According to her, a happy child is more likely to be successful than an unhappy one.  Shawn Achor in his book The Happiness Advantage writes  “Happiness fuels success, not the other way around. When we are positive, our brains become more engaged, creative, motivated, energetic, resilient, and productive at work.”

Let us get back to our first question. How can parents influence their children towards greater academic success? We have some key pointers: genetics,  good schooling,  hard work, exposure to multiple activities, the happiness factor. Now what?

Before you throw a virtual brickbat at me, I'll stop further questions and confess that I do not have the answers. My purpose is served if you have begun to doubt conventional wisdom and to reject facile answers.  Read, ponder, discuss, observe and  draw your own conclusions. Tell those noisy kids to pipe down and think some more!

The Circus

It must be at least 20 years since I saw a live circus. I wondered what it is like now. Here are 3 links to the modern circus that I found online.

Behind the Scenes of an Indian Circus

A Circus School in Russia

A Chinese Bicycle Act

When I was a schoolgirl - a million years ago - the circus came to town once a year. We made sure to visit the circus at least once. Some lucky children got to see it twice. The tents were pitched on the biggest maidan in town. Hawkers set up small stalls and handcarts around them. Some squatted at strategic spots and displayed their  wares to catch the attention of the children. My personal favourite was the puggawala (balloon man), with coloured balloons twisted into different shapes and helium balloons that floated upright. 

A kid does not watch a circus without something to munch.  Candy floss, called Buddhi ka Bal (old woman's hair) was a general favourite. A bar of ice candy or dudh candy to lick was almost mandatory. Ice cream at 4 annas (a quarter of a rupee) was a luxury available in perhaps two or three outlets in town . Hot roasted chana was sold in small paper cones. You got one cone for a mukkalu, a 3-paisa bronze coin with a hole in the middle. Sweet vendors sold coconut toffee, lemon drops and striped peppermints. I do not recall seeing popcorn or chocolate bars at such fairs.   

Inside the circus tent, the huge ring  was the center of attraction. And once, there came the Kamala Circus, with not one, but Three Rings! At one end, on a raised platform brightly decorated in red, a live band played. Below this was a colourful velvet or satin curtain, behind which exciting preparations could be heard. Cages and props being trundled, animal noises, men dashing about doing mysterious things with ropes, pulleys, pails and whatnot. We sat around in tiers, our feet resting on the uneven ground partially covered with sawdust, wooden planks and matting. The band played on. The clowns did their slapstick routines. When the ringmaster arrived to the sound of fanfare from the band, the lights came on and the curtains opened. The show had begun.

Tigers, lions, elephants, camels, bears, horses, dogs, birds - in my mind's eye, I see them all. The wonder of it! I guess we were too young and innocent to realise the cruelty to the magnificent beasts of the forest.  But somehow, I felt sorry for the performing bears. Even at that young age, the ignominy of being prodded by a stick to perform ridiculous acts bothered  me. And I waited impatiently for the horses. 

I admired the lithe beauty of  handsome riders in fancy gear, who performed marvellous stunts on horseback to the accompaniment of the band. I can close my eyes at this moment and hear the sounds of galloping horses keeping pace to the rhythm of the drums. The clowns (many of them dwarfs) ran along helter skelter, with shrill cries and laughter. We clapped and cheered, as the animal acts ended with a grand procession. On the back of the biggest elephant rode a queenly lady waving and smiling.

Then one after the other, came the acrobats, knife-throwers, fire-eaters, jugglers and of course, the cyclists. Beneath their flouncy short skirts, shorts and tight tops in bright pinks, blues and whites the cyclists had taut muscular bodies. What amazing tricks and balancing acts they performed! Then there was a noisy motorbike act in a hollow sphere. Specially the boys  loved to watch as one and sometimes two motorbikes, whirled round and round,  faster and faster, inside the sphere.

The grand finale was the trapeze performance . Special safety nets were fastened in place. The artistes, dressed in white bodysuits, clambered up the rope ladders to their allotted corners way above our heads, towards the top of the tent. The lights dimmed and spotlights were trained upwards.  Then to slow, throbbing music, the trapeze swings began to go back and forth. Breathless with excitement, we gazed up. The artistes performed their magic with perfect timing and co-ordination.  An occasional clown pretended  to miss the extended hands of his partner and came tumbling down to the safety net. This gave us a chance to laugh and release tension. Immediately after the climactic trapeze act, the lights came on. The show was over.