Golden Nuggets #4

Life in the Here and Now

According to current knowledge, humans like us have been on this planet for at least a million years. In this framework, a human lifespan of 100 is miniscule. From this perspective, consider how we live. We foolishly behave as if we are going to be around forever, forgetting that our entire life is just a blink in the eye in eternity.

From another perspective, life is lived in individual moments. String them all together - and you have defined your entire life. Therefore, for you and me, each day and each moment is precious. We all live in the *here and now*. NOW dominates our thoughts. How does one determine this NOW moment in time? A famous person wrote:

"... in politics the dominant time frame is a term of office, in fashion and culture it’s a season, for corporations it's a quarter, on the internet it's minutes, and on the financial markets mere milliseconds."

Forty years ago, the sociologist Elise Boulding said: “If one is mentally out of breath all the time from dealing with the present, there is no energy left for imagining the future”. This was long before the relentless media bombardment began - tweets, texts and images that hit us round the clock. Are we able to handle this information clamouring for attention - and yet find time to dwell on the long term? None of us reading this will be alive in the year 2100. Who has the mindset to think of the future of our descendants inhabiting the earth then?

Human beings have the innate ability to do mental time travel. That is, based on known facts, to imagine what life was like a 1000 years ago, or to analyse the consequences of our actions at a future date. But we do not always have the will or the motivation to escape the strong pull of the here and now. This pervasive human weakness - called present bias - favours short-term payoffs over long-term rewards. Scientists, technologists, artists and philosophers express this same idea in different ways. In simple terms, it is the old adage "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" that influences our decision-making and the choices we make. Is it surprising that short-termism may be the greatest threat our species is facing today?

Golden Nuggets #3

" Most of us accept the myth that we are rational creatures and masters of our own destiny. Till, out of the blue, something awful happens to us."

Sudden death. Severe disability. Betrayal. End of a relationship. Failure. Any of these can hit you in the stomach. Calling it trauma or tragedy does not take away the feelings of pain and helplessness. No matter how well other things in your life are going, your rational self seems to vanish. Your predominant reaction is anger towards anyone who counsels acceptance and bitterness towards cruel destiny.

There are many ways of coping with personal loss. As someone said " The highway of life has some pretty rough patches of asphalt on it." By simply accepting it, gritting your teeth and moving on, you will get through. 

This post is just to remind ourselves that we are only human ... not always rational and certainly not always masters of our destiny.

The Sting of Death

I woke up to a cold morning.With a light shawl over my shoulders, I went to the kitchen. As I pushed back my sleeves to pick up a hot cup of coffee, I happened to glance down and caught sight of the slight wrinkles on my forearms. Instantly I was a child of ten years, holding my grandmother's hand as we walked together in the yard. She had identical wrinkles. A warm and nostalgic moment of fond remembrance. Then all of a sudden it hit me - OMG ... I'm her age today! In the Biblical age group of threescore and ten.

Our annual Mass for the Departed yesterday had already put me in a reflective mood. More than 30 names were on the list of members who had departed in the past twelve months - each one different, each one mourned. Then I consoled myself with the usual platitudes: We begin to age the minute we are born. Every day is a step closer to death, the inevitable end to life. That is the way the spirit flies to the Great Unknown, to be reunited with those who have died before us.

Death after a long life, well lived, is *normal* and much easier to accept than yesterday's horrifying news from Paris -  cold-blooded random shootings that cut down so many without warning. Having emptied their Kalashnikovs, the young men also blew themselves up. More death and destruction!

In this short video Antoine Leiris, who lost his wife in the Bataclan killings in Paris, speaks with courage, fortitude and Love.

Life is Short

I came across this recently, at a time when I needed to be reminded that life is short. 

When you are a baby, time crawls
When you are a child, time walks
When you are grown up, time runs
When you are on the wrong side of 60, time flies.

There comes a time in your life, when you need to walk away from all the drama and people who create it. Forget the bad and focus on the good.  Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Keep away from the grouches.  Life is too short to be anything but happy.  Falling down is part of life, getting back up is living.

Khushi

Today is my son's birthday. His birth made me a mother for the very first time. I have no words to describe that joy, those feelings...

What followed in my life is a series of khushis big and small. Interspersed and woven in a tapestry of many hues both dark and light. That's life - a journey through light and shade, as we rush about, caught  in a maze of activities.

The story (in Hindi) in this clip puts it well, in less than 4 minutes. (The visuals are peripheral.)

Raising Kids

Raising kids has never been easy. Of all species, humans take the longest time to turn into self-sufficient adults. For this discussion, let us leave out those who never seem to grow up at all!

Although my child-rearing days are over, I still like to read the words of the wise on this important topic. After all, each new generation impacts the future of the human race. It is common enough to hear parents and other oldies deploring the so-called irresponsible and unfathomable ways of the modern youth, as they mutter: Where did we go wrong? 

The quote above is a pointer. And let us not forget the American saying: " Monkey see, monkey do" - succinct, telling and so true!

To end, a line for Father's Day: "Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad."

---

Age is a Number

Four years ago, I wrote a post on Growing up, Growing Old. As I re-read it now, I'm in the mood to post some more on the same lines...

John F. Kennedy once said in a speech in 1963 that change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future. True enough, but not original. Heraclitus the philosopher beat him to it when he wrote “Change is the only constant in life.” 2500 years ago, in Ephesus! In Future Shock,  one of my favourite books about the changing world, Alvin Toffler writes about change and what it does to people, to society; and how they try to adapt. Expectedly, when we are exposed to changes at an accelerating pace, stress and failure to cope become major problems. Toffler discussed these issues in 1970. Today, that future shock is already here!

While I age and my system slows down, the changes in the world around me are accelerating at a crazy pace. Double whammy!

Random Recall

I wonder how many remember these!

Home milk delivery in glass bottles with tinfoil tops 


78 RPM records

Adding Machines

A Time When...

Decisions were made by going 'Eeny-meeny-miney-moe' or 'Tick Tack Toe'

'Race issue' meant arguing about who ran the fastest.

The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was 'chickenpox'   

Having a Weapon in school meant a slingshot.

Cardboard stuck in the spokes transformed a bicycle into a motorbike.

Easter, 2013

Easter is a festival of Renewal, Hope and Joy ... a celebration of the Triumph of Good over Evil. In the preceding 40 days, Christians are expected to prepare for the Resurrection of Jesus through penance, fasting, prayer and meditation.

I was reflecting on the basic paradox ... the weaknesses and frailties inherent in every human being and the exhortations to aspire for superhuman Christ-like perfection ... Then I came across this:

The Biblical prophets and saints apparently had serious shortcomings. Yet they became powerful instruments in the Divine Hand, performing  extraordinary deeds and achieving great holiness.

With faith, one can overcome. For me, this is the message of Easter.

Oil For Your Lamp

International Women's Day
It is marked and celebrated on March 8. How can we think of  *celebrations*, when we've been shocked over and over again by the alarmingly frequent rapes reported in our country, including the horrendous Delhi Gang Rape in December 2012. Public opinion as well as the legislature in India are roused enough to initiate remedial measures. One is willing to applaud these steps, in the hope of  a safer environment for women.

It's Not What You Gather, But What You Scatter That Tells What Kind Of Life You Have Lived.
This is our tradition and culture. Women are great nurturers. We excel in putting aside our own needs, while we tend to others. Often we forget what Mother Teresa said: "To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it".

"Women are a lot like lamps....we need to refill and recharge once in a while to be at our best." This is the message of  Oil For Your Lamp, a short video by Hammond and Gallagher. It highlights the importance of women taking care of themselves, before they take care of others. Watch and be inspired.

Loose Talk

This one is about a most effective filter against Loose Talk.

When someone comes to you with a juicy bit of gossip or an exciting bit of  *news*, ask these three questions:

1. Is it true?
If the source is not sure it is true, don't pay attention to a rumour.

2. Is it something bad about someone?
Definitely a negative sign! It is not a confirmed fact and it is going to pull down somebody.

3. Is it useful to me?
If not, why bother to listen!

Want to know where I got these words of wisdom? It is said that Socrates preached and practiced them, thousands of years ago...

Words of Wisdom

If one has the inclination, there are a zillion quotes and wise words available to learn from. The problem is whether one is able to act upon them!  Here are three gems that I wish I could put into practice for my own good.

Silence and Smile are two powerful tools to maintain relationships. Silence avoids many problems and Smile is the way to solve many of  them.

***

Don't trust words. Trust actions.

****

Don't start your day with the broken pieces of yesterday.

***

Three Little Big Thoughts

This week I celebrated my birthday. A year older, but not much wiser! 

A time to reflect on 'Life'.

Mother Teresa - Anyway

People say that these words were written on the wall of Mother Teresa's Home in Calcutta, India. In popular belief world-wide, they are attributed to her. And they do seem to reflect her philosophy of life.

In 1968 Kent M Keith wrote a composition called "The Paradoxical Commandments"  which was, apparently, modified and adopted by the Missionaries of Charity.

Andy Rooney

Over the years, I have come across and appreciated Andy Rooney's quotes from random sources. Initially, I had no idea who he was. Later I came to know that he was an American broadcaster. His weekly appearance on CBS  made "60 Minutes"  a very popular TV show. Millions watched and listened to his homespun wisdom and peeves which he aired week after week, from the seventies till now. In October 2011, a few days after his final broadcast at the age of 92, Andy Rooney Died in New York.

Some of Rooney's Famous One-liners

• I've  learned....That the  best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
• I've learned.... That when you're in love, it shows.
• I've learned.... That just one person saying to me,  'You've made my day!' makes my day.
• I've  learned....That having  a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful  feelings in the world.
• I've learned.... That being kind is more  important than being right.
• I've  learned....That you  should never say no to a gift from a child.
• I've learned.... That I can always pray for someone when  I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.
• I've learned.... That no matter how serious your life  requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
• I've learned.... That sometimes all a person needs is a  hand to hold and a heart to understand.
• I've learned.... That simple walks with my father around  the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me  as an adult.
• I've learned.... That life is like a roll  of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it  goes.
• I've learned.... That we should be glad God doesn't give  us everything we ask for.
• I've  learned.... That money  doesn't buy class.
• I've learned.... That it's those small  daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
• I've  learned.... That under  everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and  loved.
• I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change  the facts.
•  I 've learned.... That when you plan to  get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue  to hurt you.
• I've learned.... That love, not time,  heals all wounds.
• I've learned.... That the easiest way for  me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter  than I am.
• I've learned.... That everyone you meet  deserves to be greeted with a smile..
• I've  learned.... That no one  is perfect until you fall in love with them.
• I've learned... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.
• I've learned.... That opportunities are never lost;  someone will take the ones you miss.
• I've  learned.... That when  you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
• I've learned.... That I wish I could have told my Mom  that I love her one more time before she passed away.
• I've learned.... That one should keep his words both soft  and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
• I've learned..... That a smile is an inexpensive way to  improve your looks.
• I've learned..... That when your newly  born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist,  that you're hooked for life.
• I've  learned.... That  everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the  happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
• I've learned.... That the less time I have to work with,  the more things I get done.

Weeds into Gardens

Caught in a web of troubled thoughts, I am drawn to philosophical words  that I read recently...

When a dog starts with weeds, he winds up with weeds. But that’s not true with human beings. Humans can turn weeds into gardens. Humans can do remarkable things because they are remarkable. Try reaching down inside of yourself; you’ll come up with some of those remarkable human gifts. They’re there, waiting to be discovered and employed. So what can I do, starting today, that will make a difference? You can’t change what's happened; nor control others' behaviour. But you certainly can change your responses to them. If you don’t like how something is going for you, change it. If something isn’t enough, change it. If something doesn’t suit you, change it. If you don’t like your present address, change it—you’re not a tree! You don’t ever have to be the same after today.

Everyone you meet is fighting some battle or the other. Be kinder than you feel is necessary. This truth hits me again and again, as I encounter individuals struggling with problems much bigger than mine. Am I being sensitive enough, kind enough? Or am I too engrossed in myself?

Thoughts	Attributed to
Everyone thinks of changing the world but no one thinks of changing himself.	Leo Tolstoy
If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly our whole life would change.	Buddha
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you they're supposed to help you discover who you are.	Bernice Johnson Reagon
I will not say I failed a thousand times I will say I discovered a thousand ways that cause failure, before succeeding.	Thomas Alva Edison
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.	Mother Teresa
How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.	Annie Dillard

Growing Up, Growing Old

I looked at myself in the mirror just now and saw an old woman with grey hair, wrinkles, double chin and flab all over. I realised that I could be my own grandmother's sister!  When did this happen?

In my heart, my childhood has never left me. When I shut my eyes I can picture many familiar scenes...  I can almost feel the green taffeta skirt that I wore one Christmas. I can see my reflection in the oval dressing mirror as I fix the Alice-band in my hair. Seated at the long black wooden dining table, I can taste the dos (mango preserve) that I licked off my fingers after the evening snack.

At sunset, after the angelus, everyone would be on the verandah with red flooring and flowerpots on the parapets. While the adults chatted or read,  we sat in the portico around the marble-topped round table doing our homework in the glow of the oil lamp. (Electricity came to our house sometime during my middle school years). In the darkness outside, depending on the season, there would be rain dripping off the tiled roof or glow-worms blinking in the trees. The sound of crickets and frogs was quite common. Occasionally the peace was broken by the singing or yelling of some neighbourhood drunk or the barking of a dog. When a cat was in heat, howls and caterwauling went on throughout the night.

Today I sit in the brightness of my living room and hear the traffic roaring past. In India, drivers honk for no reason at all. The neighbours in the apartment block  provide a cacophony of TV, music, kids playing and dogs yapping. Phones and doorbells ring. The lift rattles up and down. From the aromas drifting in I can guess what's cooking in the nearby kitchens. My dinnerplate is heated and the microwave oven contributes a beep to the noise pollution. Another day is coming to a close and I'm a day closer to the grave...

Life is Like an Onion

Life is like an onion... As each layer peels off, you cry a little. For a while you eat, drink and make merry. When all the layers are gone, you go too.

Slow Dance

Ever since my mother died a few months ago, people ask me: "Don't you feel lonely, living all by yourself? How do you pass the time? "

And I stopped to ponder: Should I be rushing through my days doing this, that and the other to spend time? Is time to be used up quickly?

Then I recalled a poem called Slow Dance - an email forward supposedly written by a terminally ill young girl in a New York Hospital.

Slow Dance

Have you ever watched kids On a merry-go-round? Or listened to the rain Slapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight? Or gazed at the sun into the fading night? You better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last. Do you run through each day On the fly? When you ask How are you? Do you hear the reply? When the day is done Do you lie in your bed With the next hundred chores Running through your head? You'd better slow down Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last. Ever told your child, We'll do it tomorrow? And in your haste, Not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch, Let a good friendship die Cause you never had time To call and say,'Hi' You'd better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last. When you run so fast to get somewhere You miss half the fun of getting there. When you worry and hurry through your day, It is like an unopened gift Thrown away. Life is not a race. Do take it slower Hear the music Before the song is over.

Ob Portu

I just discovered that the word opportunity originated from ob-portu.

In the days before modern harbors, a ship had to wait for the flood tide to make it into port. The Latin term for this was ob portu. The captain and the crew waited for the moment when the tide was exactly right because they knew that if they missed it, they would have to wait for another tide to come in. Shakespeare wrote:

There is a tide in the affairs of men,
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.
On such a full sea are we now afloat;
And we must take the current when it serves,
Or lose our venture.

Ob portu, Opportunity. Chance. Fortune. Luck. We call it by many names. Unless one has it, the best of plans will fall flat. How important it is to be in the right place at the right time!

Aasim: on your special day, here's wishing that you seize your ob portu all through the year.

Rambling Rose

Here I go rambling on the first day of April ...

Today I feel philosophical. Is it because it is All Fools Day? Or because I woke up last night at 3 pm, with itchy mosquito bites and read Herodotus till my eyes ached. I like to think of him as the inspiration for  My Travel Page where I am blogging about my own rambles.

In one of his narratives, Herodotus (the most ancient Greek historian, born in 484 BC) writes about Solon the ancient Athenian statesman. Once, Solon snubbed King Croesus, the guy with enormous quantitites of gold in his treasuries, by telling him that his great wealth doesn't ensure his happiness. That made me feel better, because my financial balance sheet doesn't  look too good!

Three quotes for the Day

• It doesn't matter much how much you have; what really matters is how much you experience.
• One lives as long as one's memories are alive.
• A happy person is one who has enough health, wealth and family; and above all - whose life ends well.

 Let me ramble on... hoping that my life too ends well.